Naruto Answering Machine
by yinyanglover
Summary: When you call....... what do you get?the FINAL CHAPTER is now up.this is WHERE the real TEEN RATING comes in!
1. when you call my name

Naruto Answering Machine

These are those things you get when you call someone's house. They go like, "Hi this is Bob, leave a message after the beep." So if you ever call these peoples' houses', this is what you will get.

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Naruto: I'm the next Hokage! Believe it! Leave the ramen after the beep. BBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Sasuke: I am going to kill that bastard Itachi and my fan girls with my Chinese star. Sakura stop calling me!!!!! Leave a message after the gun shot.(gun shot)

Sakura: I love Sasuke!!!!!! If your not Sasuke, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! Call me Sasuke-kun. Leave a message after the kissing noise.(kissing noises)

Itachi: I will kill you all. Fear me. You are to weak little brother. You must learn to hate. Leave a message after the scream. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Sasori: Art is everlasting, it never ends.( Deidara comes in with Sasori in the back round mumbling.) You can either wait for Sasori to stop talking or leave message after beep, un. BBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Deidara: Art is a bang, un. Leave a message after the exploding clay, un.(exploding clay)

Tobi: Deidara - sempi is my bestest friend. Leave a message after the yelling me(yelling tobi)

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that was all I could think of the moment, if you like then review so I can make more if you want. Also give me idea's about other characters. If you can think of crack parings then I will write a story about them.

Farewell

r&r


	2. dope, speed, and sake, ok

Naruto Answering Machine

Chapter Two

Kakashi: If you're getting this, then I'm obviously not here. I probably won't return your calls. Unless it's you, Jiriya-sama, and information about Icha Icha Para–BBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP

Shino: Hello, this S.S.S or in other words Shino's Secret Stash. If you want drugs like dope and speed, please press 1. If you want sake and nothing but sake please press 2. If you want something that is illegal to all ages press 3. If you want something that is only illegal to minors press 4. If you are some friend of mine or a concerned adult, please ignore what I said before and press 5. I'll be with you as soon as I can.

Gaara: You dare to call me!?! Sand Coffi–(Temari) You can't use sand coffin over the phone, only in person.(Gaara) Fine, I shall hunt you down and kill you.(Temari) Leave a message after the beep. BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Hinata: Ano, thank for calling. I will be calling you back as soon as I can. BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP

Kiba: Who let the dogs out? Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff. Please leave a message after the howl. (howling)

Kisame: I love sushi, sushi, sushi, sushi!!!! Leave a message after the sushi. SSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!(sushi)

thank you all because I know you love my writing.

Thank you loverofallthingschoclate for reviewing


	3. making out and smoking, wow

Naruto Answering Machine

**Thank you to **_**loverofallthingschocolate**__**sakura-blossomss, **_**and**_** kingman 186**_**. Please give me ideas because one I am running out of them and two I don't know that many people in Naruto so I may end this story next chapter so if you like please review.**

Tsunade: JUST BECAUSE I AM YOUR HOKAGE, DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN CALL ME! I DO HAVE A LIFE YOU KNOW! If you want me to respond to you, you have to bring me sake or money. And Shizune, stop telling me to do my work. I am your superior--you need to get a life so-BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Ino: I don't care who you are unless you are Sasuke-kun. If you are Sasuke-kun, call me any time you want and shall always call you back no matter what.Sasuke-kun, leave a message after the beep. BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Shikamaru: This is so troublesome. I really have to stop playing truth or dare with Ino. Message me after the snore. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

Choji: I am probably eating right now so leave a message after you hear me eating those potato chips you really want right now.(hear Choji eating those chips that you have had your eye on for a long time)

Asuma: I am not here for one or more of the following reasons. One I have a life. Two I am making out with some woman. Three I am smoking. Or Four I am training my team. Leave a message after the tone, get it? Tone, I crack myself up!(**a/n: this is a attempt to be funny, see I NEED YOUR HELP to make things more funny and to give me more people. loverofallthingschocolate, if you want to give me more than one person in a review look at the bottom to see which ones I do not need. that way you can tell me who else I can do. thank you people who shall give me more people. wow, this is long isn't it?**) TTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOONNNNNNEEEEEEE

Temari: Don't leave some dumb message or I will send Gaara over. Believe me when I tell you that he wants to kill someone right now. Leave a non dumb message after me swinging fan around.(hear fan)

Kankuro(sp?): Just leave your damn message after the beep .BBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP

**ok I don't need these people because I know who they are. Neji, Ten Ten, Lee, Gai, Zetsu, Kakazu, Hidan, Orochimaru(sp?) or the 4****th**** hokage(sp?) I don't really know anyone else. If you know the name of Hinata, Kiba, and Shino's teacher please tell me.**

**Please review or I will have to end this lovely little thing I have going on at the moment. **


	4. the end and the blonde

Naruto Answering Machine

Chapter Four

The Final Chapter

**If you like this story, then please go look at my other one called Woman Akatsuki. I feel sad that this is the last chapter, oh well. Onward we go!**

Neji: I, the Neji Hyuuga, believes that it is fate that you have called my phone. It is also fate that I won't call you back, so don't bother. BBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP

Ten Ten: I believe in two things. One, I will call you back, well maybe. Two is that I never miss my target, so don't try anything. Especially you Lee! BBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP

Lee: I love my sensei Gai. He is so cool and the fact that he wears spandex is youthful! GGGAAAIIIISSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIII!(gai sensei)

Gai: I never wear underwear. Why would I want to be separated from my lovely spandex? Besides, know one cares or knows, besides those youthful people who want to call me! Oh well! BBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Zetsu: Where is my fertilizer? I demand it now! Well where is it? I don't care if you want to call me!( Good Side Now) Thank you for calling please leave-(Bad Side Now) fertilizer now! Or I shall hunt you down, make you buy me fertilizer, and then I shall eat you-(Good Side) a message after the beep. BBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Kakuzu: I love money. Give me your credit card number and I shall save you from a life of richness. BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPP

Hidan: It has been two years. The mighty Jashin(**or blondie if you are one of my friends who are reading this**) wants me to sacrifice another virgin female. If you are a virgin female, leave me your name, age , address, and phone number. BBBBEEEEEEEPPPPPPP

Orochimaru: OMG! Someone is calling me! I am so happy!!! OMG, Fallout Boy is playing on the radio! I wonder what they taste like, never mind. I wonder what it would be like to rape them!!! Ano, you didn't hear! Leave a message only if you are a young male who doesn't mind being raped. Toodles!

4th Hokage: I am dead. Who wants to talk to dead person? Don't leave a message, I won't call back.

Kurenai: Me and Asuma are probably somewhere togther, leave a message that I might answer after my little fling with him! Bye! BBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

**Once again, if you like this story, go and look t my other nauto one. I haven't said this yet so I will say it now, I do not own Naruto. You people make me so sad!**


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